Did Your Life Turn Out Differently Than It Was Supposed To?

I’m in Montana writing this, at the cabin my ex-husband and I built when our son Michael was 4.  I'm in Montana, alone.

This is not how I thought things would turn out.

I used to make lunches and snacks in this kitchen for my son and his little friend

before they went outside to work on their treehouse, which never did get finished.

In my head at the time, I know I was thinking that eventually Michael's children, my grandchildren, might finish the treehouse and we would all be here together as a family. I remember planning in my head how we might add a room, or make a firepit where we would all sit outside at night and look at the stars.

So as I said, I'm in Montana alone, doing some organizing for the AirBnB guests who will start coming next week. 

There are times I wonder if the divorce was the right thing. I weigh the pros and cons in my head until I give up.  Everyone says "You would never be where you are today if your life hadn't gone the way it has."  Is that true, or was there another path I chose not to take that would have led me to the same place?

I'll never know the answer. 

I'm curious about you. Is there a place you go to, or a holiday, that brings to life the dreams and hopes you once had and illuminates how they didn't turn out like you planned? Does it make you happy or sad? What do you do with your feelings?

To be honest, I'm still processing.  Most of the time I'm comfortable knowing that while choices I made then are not the same ones I would make today, I was doing the best then with what I had.

And I'm grateful for where I am. I believe that from here on out my choices will be made by a more self-aware and wiser me who walks closely with God and because of that things will turn out exactly as they are "supposed to".